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people are mad at Bud Light and I don’t want to live on this planet anymore

Bud Light tweeted this on St. Patrick’s Day:

Screen Shot 2015-03-17 at 3.52.46 PM

Now the Internet is mad, or at least a very vocal group of the Internet, and it’s ridiculous. Bud Light has since deleted the tweet.

I’ll be honest, the ad isn’t exactly Earth-shattering, nor did I find it all that interesting when I first read it. I felt nothing, other than the desire to have those few seconds back. I actually enjoyed Bud Light’s Up For Whatever Super Bowl ads. Pretty cool, visually stimulating, and funny at times. This Tweet just felt, well, blegh from the get go, but in no way did I think it could possibly be construed as offensive. Oh, but the Internet had other plans!

Let’s just break this down, line by line, shall we? “On #StPatricksDay you can pinch people who don’t wear green.” Okay, I get this. It refers to the (stupid) tradition of pinching people who don’t wear green on this, the greenest of all days that will ever be green, with green beer and green suspenders and… so on and so forth. I remember this being a thing, oh, you know, when I was five… OR, if you want to be a nutcase, it starts to imply that people will assault you, because that’s what St. Patrick’s Day is really all about right? Assault by pinching?

Continuing to the second part of this literary masterpiece, “You can also pinch people who aren’t #UpForWhatever.” – Ahhhh, Bud Light, I see what you did there. I fucking see what you did there! You took a St. Patrick’s Day thing, and made it into your UpForWhatever thing! – That was my actual thought. I mean, verbatim, that’s what I thought upon seeing the language of the Tweet.

Following the copy of the Tweet, you have a photo of some young green-clad women, which is why everyone everywhere got really mad and started making ridiculous accusations about Bud Light encouraging assault, rape, and whathaveyou.

First of all, is it because the photo was of women that people are yelling “Assault! Assault! Don’t you dare pinch me because that’s assault and you’re a rapist!”? If it is, that’s pretty one-sided. I mean, I’m a guy, and I don’t like being assaulted either, so there’s that. Just for fun, I’ve taken the liberty of replacing those ladies with dudes…

St Patricks Guys Robs Mental Playground

If you found the original Tweet offensive, and you find this alternate guy-on-guy version equally offensive for the same reasons, you’re full of shit. You’re a dirty, self-righteous liar.

Second, how does one go from an old-timey, relatively harmless (though annoying) tradition to assault or promoting rape culture? Seriously people, I’ve seen folks alleging that Bud Light is insinuating the rape of women via that Tweet. This, of course, is complete nonsense, on par with thinking the Earth is 6,000 years old. Not once is the word “woman” or “women” used in the verbiage. Not once does Bud Light allege that you should go up to strangers and assault them, rape them, or anything else to that illegality. For fuck’s sake, it’s implying that if you’re out with your friends, maybe tease them a bit if they’re not wearing green or #UpForWhatever. It’s really that simple.

If people want to be so fucking asinine with crazy interpretation, then I’ll look far too deeply into a couple other hypothetical scenarios that are equally as ridiculous:

1. An Anti-Gay-Marriage moron sees cherry tomatoes in plastic tubs at the grocery store. To them, the cherry tomatoes closely resemble testicles in size and shape. Therefore, they claim that NatureSweet promotes being gay, and that if you eat their cherry tomatoes, you will “turn” gay.

2. A person who is aggressively offended that Old Spice outwardly caters its products to men and being “a man.”

3. An environmental activist watches an ad for a lawn-mower, then becomes enraged because they claim the commercial is subconsciously suggesting we destroy the rain forests.

You can see where I’m going with this…

Finally, the offended party is taking this whole #UpForWhatever thing completely out of context to begin with. They seem to ignore the fact that it’s a long-running campaign from Bud Light, and nary a time have they used it to encourage assault, rape, theft, or anything in that realm.

Listen, I’m not trying to promote Bud Light. Even for shitty beer, their beer is shitty as far as I’m concerned. Also, I’m not trying to marginalize the issues of assault, rape, or anything else of that ilk. I’m merely trying to promote rationality and, well, not being a complete tool. I’m a pretty reasonable guy, and I can oftentimes see and understand the other side of the fence, but in this case, it’s bollocks.

Or am I just promoting assault?


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