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open letter to Cubs fans


Dear Cubs fans

Congrats! You’re only one win away from making it to the World Series! And before you get all wacky and say I’m jinxing you, well, I’m not. It’s the truth — it’s an actual truth! One win is what you need to get there! For you poor souls, who’ve endured countless disappointments, blunders and other such nonsense, I’m happy that your team is finally… well, GOOD. The Cubs are good, and you should be very excited.

I myself am a Michigan transplant who really enjoys living in Chicago. This city is great, and I’ve become a modest Cubs fan myself over the years. I’m particularly lucky, because I moved here about a year prior to Theo Epstein taking the reins, and boy did he. Now, it’s really fun to watch the Cubbies shit all over the Cardinals and Pirates. Wrigley is lively and jubilant, and well, I wish the Cubs, and their fans, the best of the luck.

That being said, the crux of this open letter is, in all of whatever celebration may occur over the next 2 weeks, to do so non-violently. That means no violence to property, things, or most importantly, people. There’s no reason for it, and it will definitely make Cubs fans, and Chicago in general, look idiotic. Chicago already has a reputation of being dangerous, so why make it any worse?

So party the party! Drink beer in the street! Light fireworks and sing “Go Cubs Go!” for a week on end of you damn well want to. Hell, I don’t care if smells like piss and vomit in Wrigleyville (where I live) for a month. Just, please, I’m begging you, do so without breaking things or people.

So fly that W high, and be proud. Keep the confines friendly with the world watching.

Sincerely, your neighbor and supporter,


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